In hindsight, it’s probably a hilarious experience. But really, when you’re there, you just pray really fast and hard in a way I didn’t think was possible by me. I can’t even bear to talk about the details without fear of causing irreparable damage to my image…if I even have one.
I’m a very bad fairy godmother. I gave myself the task to find G, a gay blockmate of mine, a date within the week. G is a perfect example of how unreasonable and often unreachable the standards set by the gay community are. For someone who graduated with honors from one of the top universities and is currently in law school, his ego is…well, let’s just say there’s almost nothing there. When you look at him, he’s really not all that bad looking. He’s articulate and can even speak a few languages. But the homosexual world is just a cruel place to live in.
So anyway, I spent a lot of time trying to find G a date. I put his needs before mine and flirted on his behalf. I even asked referrals from the few gay friends I have. In the end, I got him a date. My ex.
Someone should’ve told me that was a wrong thing to do! Or that I should’ve picked up the signal when G said it would be weird both for me and him. But anyway, I insisted. To cut the long story short, what we have is an ex who didn’t get the date he wanted, G who felt even more insecure and ugly, and me… who doesn’t even care.
Now here I am politely asking for one more chance from anyone in the gay world...ANYONE. Any takers?
I’m getting fat. This is an important announcement because I’ve never gotten close to reaching the appropriate weight requirement for my height. I’ve been thin all my life that I’m just not prepared to go the other way. But alas, I am.
This definite realization crept up on me when my extra small sized clothes started betraying me. Wearing them means having to be constantly but discreetly in touch with my lower back in fear that an inappropriate amount of flesh can be seen by the public. Or stopping myself from sleeping in the library, because then an even more sizable portion will be revealed.
Isn’t there supposed to be a rule book for unsuspecting teens who are suddenly gaining weight after a lifetime of malnourishment?