Call Me By Your Name

I am not going to lie: going into the film, I had pretty high expectations. The buzz for the film has been crazy, and that is what ultimately made me decide to pick up the book and try to understand what the frenzy is all about. Also, I love gay romance in movies and literature, so I made sure to find the time to read this.

And Call Me By Your Name (the book) did live up to the hype. It was, for me, well-written, nuanced, and characteristic of the flood of emotions and confusion encountered by young guys trying to reconcile their gender preferences. I should know, I went through that phase--and the book captured the emotions just so well. I am a sucker for good endings, and I'd like to believe the ambiguous ending in the book meant that Oliver and Elio somehow found their happy ending. Okay, I suppose this is not that much of a spoiler. I struggle to think of at least three gay movies/stories that had a "happy" ending.

As I mentioned, I was looking forward to watching the film, considering all the hype. It had all but two screenings here in the Philippines, as far as I know, and I managed to reserve two tickets for me and my boyfriend in the far mall of the north, Trinoma.

Photo taken from https://www.tynesidecinema.co.uk/

Before anything else, I have to say: the crowd was crazy! Haha. If I didn't know any better, I'd think the crowd (who lined up for the film, stretching out for meters on end).  There were familiar faces in the crowd, mostly gay guys I'd seen partying in either O Bar and Unit 27.

Okay. At this point I'm exhausted to even write about the film. But just to lay out the points there:

• I think the film did a disservice to the book by not including what for me is a major plot point.
•  Timothée Chalamet did justice to the role of Elio. Armie Hammer, who played Oliver, was missing something... Which is a shame 'cos I found Oliver attractive in the book.
• Overall, a good film. Although I'll be one of those pricks who think the book is much better than movie.

On Neutralizing Negative Self-Task

Sometimes I get swarmed by so many negative thoughts. I blame the weight of my ambition for discontentment. I see, on social media, so many of my batch mates who did not do as well as I arguably did (lol) getting into good graduate schools, like Harvard Law School or Columbia Law School for masters of law. And I admit: whenever I read something about it from them, I feel a bit of a pinch.

And it's the unhealthiest pastime, I know. Because there will always be someone better. I know it. Someone who's smarter, someone who's paid better, someone who seems like he's gotten life figured out. At 27, I guess I am still not that good at learning how to fight my own battles. I have so many aspirations, but I should not begrudge anyone who look like they've reached theirs. That is not my business.

Also, at the same time, I feel like I am not prepared just yet. I am not as well read as I think I should be. My analytical skills are not sophisticated enough. I am just not that good. But I know, I will never be really ready ready. And what I really have to do is to just go for it, and soak in all the knowledge I can while I am not there yet. I know that it's in the everyday that I get to prepare.

I read somewhere that one of the signs of a high EQ is the ability to stop negative self-talk in its tracks.

Well, that's definitely one area of self-improvement I have to work on.

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I mean, when I really think about it, I am in a better position than I thought I would be. I have an above-average paying job. I am able to impart knowledge to my students. Regardless of my relatively murky past, and my frequent inattention to detail, I am doing relatively well. I should be grateful. And I am. Being grateful is one way of being happy, I also heard. I guess that's how I've tried to offset my negativity: reminding myself that there is so much to be happy and grateful for.

Theft By Finding

One of my favorite writers, David Sedaris, recently published his diaries dating back from the 1970s. He published his journals from when he was in his early 20s.  I'm now reading his journals from when he was 26, I think.

I've little time to read books or articles outside work these days, and even less time to write senseless stuff. My time is occupied by my two jobs, teaching and lawyering, which I'd always planned on doing, as I mentioned in the blog.

Whenever I read back to my earlier blogs, I almost cannot recognize myself, and even the writing style. I guess that's both a good thing and a bad thing.

Anyway, reading David's book made me realize I should probably write more. The only reason why I don't is that I feel I don't have enough dramatic or funny material to pull me out of my blogging hiatus.

But I'll try to change that? 

Like today: today is a holiday but I did not date with my partner, work out, or do anything remarkable outside of eating by myself, in this restaurant, which gives me free rein to do what I want. Including taking this photo:

So for now, I eat.