Sometimes I get swarmed by so many negative thoughts. I blame the weight of my ambition for discontentment. I see, on social media, so many of my batch mates who did not do as well as I arguably did (lol) getting into good graduate schools, like Harvard Law School or Columbia Law School for masters of law. And I admit: whenever I read something about it from them, I feel a bit of a pinch.
And it's the unhealthiest pastime, I know. Because there will always be someone better. I know it. Someone who's smarter, someone who's paid better, someone who seems like he's gotten life figured out. At 27, I guess I am still not that good at learning how to fight my own battles. I have so many aspirations, but I should not begrudge anyone who look like they've reached theirs. That is not my business.
Also, at the same time, I feel like I am not prepared just yet. I am not as well read as I think I should be. My analytical skills are not sophisticated enough. I am just not that good. But I know, I will never be really ready ready. And what I really have to do is to just go for it, and soak in all the knowledge I can while I am not there yet. I know that it's in the everyday that I get to prepare.
I read somewhere that one of the signs of a high EQ is the ability to stop negative self-talk in its tracks.
Well, that's definitely one area of self-improvement I have to work on.
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I mean, when I really think about it, I am in a better position than I thought I would be. I have an above-average paying job. I am able to impart knowledge to my students. Regardless of my relatively murky past, and my frequent inattention to detail, I am doing relatively well. I should be grateful. And I am. Being grateful is one way of being happy, I also heard. I guess that's how I've tried to offset my negativity: reminding myself that there is so much to be happy and grateful for.
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