In other news, I'd like to think I'm sort of adjusting. I get to read more than half of the readings assigned in class, and I don't get shouted at as often. I don't look at my notebook of motivations as often as before. And whenever I have doubts of whether or not I really wanted this, I just look back at how badly I wanted to pass that entrance exam:
I knew passing was a long shot, and I made my odds even slimmer by breaking up with my then boyfriend and not getting a wink of sleep the night before the examinations. My ex even threatened to get back at me and said all sorts of nasty things that he said he'd bring out in the open (and being the indifferent person that I was, and still am, I told him to do whatever he wanted). I completed all nine night masses and visited every church in sight to ask God to give me this. I'm not about to throw it away because it's hard.
Getting a 5.0 and crying after class is regular for our class now. It happens too regularly that we forget that it's not normal. They shouldn't be treating us like this, but what can we do? No one can reprimand them, much less tell them off.
The only redeeming factor for all these difficulty is that we're celebrating our 3rd monthsary later this week. There's no grand celebration or anything, just the two of us. That's a lot more than I can ask for.