Wednesday, August 18, 2010

The Right Thing to Do

He told me he loved me. That I had fascinating eyes and that I was cute. He told me he was exactly whom he was looking for.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Was he actually telling me he loved me two days after we met? With all due respect, I just hate people who do that. He barely touched the surface of who I am. He has no right to love me. For me, love is this really big thing that shouldn't ever be taken lightly. Love comes with responsibilities and disappointments and the knowledge that things won't always be right. And yet, through all these drawbacks, love never ceases.

What he feels isn't love.

He knew I had a relationship, but that didn't stop him from trying. So I did it myself. I stopped the person I used to see in campus and ogle at. I stopped one of the reasons I would brightly go to school back in my undergrad days from going further into my life. Gwapo eh. :p

Gwapo, however, doesn't make the cut. I guess I've really grown old. Cutting the ties was the hard part. I've always been polite. I told him: "Sometimes we have to do what's right, not what's pleasing. I'm going to stop this now." He was heartbroken, but he'd get over it. He's eighteen.

As for the boyfriend, my friends advised me not to tell him. If I did, this will probably one of those things that will blow out of proportion. I told him though, on my way home, that he has the option to break up with me. Maybe we can be together after four years, when I've gone through this hell.

The thing is, we never get to talk. Of all people, I understand best the value of communication in a relationship. But I can't stop. I can't stop because I owe to my parents the obligation to do my best in here. I owe to myself the need to survive, to be relevant and responsible, and to stand by a decision I made once I passed the LAE. I can't stop and spare a few minutes, which would extend to hours, just so I could know what's happening with his life.

One last thing. Should I feel depressed that I often get stereotyped by my very own friends (I am, quite obviously, not out of the closet) as a sex-hungry gay guy? I am familiar with how some homosexual men are, having been a member of G4M for a week or so myself. I just brush these remarks off. But really, I can go through one week without jacking off. My boyfriend and I? We haven't had sex in a month, notwithstanding that he slept over for the past month thrice already.

Damn. This must mean that I'm a very uptight person.


  1. Ooh. Another law student. Welcome to the blogosphere.

  2. Parang masayang eksena 'tong dialogue na 'to sa sunken habang umuulan tpos dala-dala mo yung Crim 1 ni L. Reyes:

    YOU barely touched the surface of who I am. YOU have no right to love me.

    Seriously, boys + law school - it's one hell of a balancing act (esp. if the boy is not a law student... hehehe).

    PS: Huwag i-diet si boyfrend, kawawa nmn.

  3. i would like to get me self a boyfriend like yours. afterall, sex is just a spice. it shouldn't be the dish itself.

    happy blogging.

    p.s. exjason said u need some advice regarding relationship and i'm sorry i can't provide a decent advice. SSB here (single since birth)

    p.p.s. but hey, i've got ears to listen!

  4. Windang naman akez sa problem mo. Parang heavy. Pero actually, landi lang. Ganito yan. Stop the landi muna. Ask mo muna. Love mo pa ba si boyfriend? Kung yes, umayos ka. Spend more time with him than boys na, alam mo na, nagta-take advantage sa kahinaan mo. Kasi alam nilang papatok ka. Feel nila yun eh. Ngayon, kung wa ka na love kay boyfriend, ayusin mo muna, baka temporary feeling mo lang yun. Alam mo na, parang 7-year itch. Pero kung wa na talaga, eh di break up with him. Pero kung sure ka na lang doon. Shucks. Ang daling sabihin pero parang mahirap gawin.

  5. "Sometimes we have to do what's right, not what's pleasing.

    tama yung quote mo. i loveeeet!! :)

    kapag siguro marami ka ding iniisip no, nakakalimutan mo talaga yung mga ganung bagay. o minsan nawawalan ka ng ganang gawin iyon (sex) :|

  6. Hi Fickle Cattle, click+follow :)

    kaloy, para may drama. hahaha.

    Désolé Boy, hello. Thanks for dropping by :)

    Felipe, mahirap nga. But nonetheless, thank for the advice. :)

    Jepoy Dacuycoy, oo tama. Ang hirap nang isipin pag madaming ginagawa. hahahaha.