I am happy.
I know I’ll find a reason to be slightly depressed or disappointed over something for one reason or another. I know it’s been almost two days since we’ve stopped talking for circumstances beyond our control. In the fairly near future, this tiny paradise we’ve created over the course of ninety days will probably crumble—and I’ll more likely be banging my head against the wall for not stopping when I had the chance….
But I am happy. For the past three months and counting, I wake up, think about a ton of things to do for the day and somewhere along I remember how alive I feel again.
I can barely remember a thing from the past year aside from studying getting depressed studying being alone studying, and never measuring up to my goals. The school year was off to a terrible start to say the least (a topic I will set aside for future documentation), and a blurry haze of guys came and left. I felt nothing for any of them and, for a while, I thought I would never try again. I would never just jump and go for it.
But I did. And once I laid all my cards on the table, it just felt right: to let the guy who's vastly different but similar, full of life and happiness, in. To be honest, it's unlike everything I've been in before. But once I wore my heart on my sleeve even for just this one person, it started to just happen. Happiness poured in.