Monday, May 7, 2012

The sadness

It can get so strong that it consumes me. I asked him how he does it, and he told me he busies himself with movies and books.

See, I can't do the same. because it's the kind of sadness that paralyzes me. It pains me that I can't really talk about it to anyone. It pains me even more that I have to purposely stop and forget something that meant so much to me.

A doctor told me the only way to deal with pain is to do just that: deal with it. I didn't really understand what she meant, but what I know for sure is I can't keep trying to put the memories in a tiny box and pushing it farther and farther off my mind. Trying to just doesn't work anymore. The only thing it does is give you a temporary calm. Trying to soak all the sadness in... it only ends up drowning me.

Then when you think you've moved on and stopped thinking about him...There it goes again. That fucking memory of just talking in the car trying to sort things out. Or of kissing like fucking teenagers. Or plainly fucking and making love.

I didn't think it was possible for me be in too deep.

I'd like to get out. But I'd love to crawl back in.


  1. Hay Arwind. sige lang. I understand where you are coming from. There's a stage when you aren't sure what you really want.

    Would it help if I say you'll figure it out in time? You must miss him.

    You know I always wish you well. Courage?


  2. ang bigat naman. nakakarelate din ako. sabi nila the only resolution to this is forget and move on. but how will you move on if the memories keeps on coming back di ba?

    the man who can't be moved? hehe

    but don't forget to smile ah don't immerse yourself into this :)