Let Me Gloat

Today I got a letter:

(Proof of how I couldn't edit photos even if my life depended on it)

It was an invitation for a summer internship program from what apparently is one of the biggest law firms in the country. Yay? I'm having second thoughts about pursuing this though because: my usual bouts of insecurities are kicking in, and I just want to have one long summer of doing absolutely nothing.

Still, it's pretty cool to be one of the "top" law students, as per last school year. Haha! I'm not sure I can do the same this year, so I better boast now, or I won't ever get the chance.

Ohhh by the way, I went on a date yesterday. He was nice, and he kept me interested throughout the entire thing. And also, that was one of the few dates I actually cared about, in that I had the decency to brush my teeth, comb my hair, and look long and hard in front of the mirror before meeting him. All that right after I got out of my terror class.

Anyway, this guy I'm talking about is a friend of a friend. He's not exactly my type--but I find myself waiting for his texts. I know better than to show too much interest though, because I know myself. And I know for a fact that this is just one of those times where I want another person to badly like me, and ignore him the moment he does. Hah. The point is that I don't want to play another round of my senseless affirmation-seeking game.

Which is why this quote from one of my favorite authors is appropriate in describing who (or what) I am:

I wanted it, I wanted it, I wanted it, but the moment it was mine it ceased to interest me.

I wonder when that one person who'll never cease to interest me will come... I mean, really, is that so much to ask for?

And have I mentioned that I ran into my ex earlier this week? My friends and I were in the mall, both of whom know of this recent relationship. Then just like that, he appeared out of nowhere, our eyes met, and we both gave a brief glance and mouthed 'hi' with our lips. And that was it. The first time we saw each other since we last broke up six months ago. Ahh, six months. This month's also that month last year where we started talking to each other after college.

What did I feel when I saw him? First I panicked at the thought that he might have seen me look all stressed. Next I noticed how he got fatter since we last saw each other. And last, I remembered how I ran into him in the same mall when we were still in a relationship. He was with his family and he couldn't bring himself to walk away for five minutes just to talk to him. And I was there looking at him from a distance. Because I was stupid. Yes, my heart thumped for a few minutes and for a while I couldn't understand what I was feeling. And yes, I pondered on the possibility that I was probably still in love with him. But no, I realized that what I felt was no longer love, but a nostalgia of how we were and what we used to be. And just like that, closure from within has been re-affirmed.