Fallen

Remember how I said last time that I would try to be more careful? Calculating? That I will make sure every step is well thought of?

I realize now that it's complete bullshit. "Falling" is about letting myself go and allowing that inexplicably warm and nervous feeling to take over. There's warmth because it's something you've never allowed yourself to feel for anyone: because for as long as I can recall, there was only cold distance between me and all the others. And then there's nervousness. Because, like a little child, I've given myself totally and selflessly to the mercy of that other person.

And I choke. I choke whenever I think that there's possibly too little of the overwhelming flood of emotions that I really feel. But what can I do? Human actions aren't remotely close to what love, in its abstract yet very real sense, is.

Perhaps I am overreacting. Maybe compensating for the insufficiency of words and actions. Through it all, the fact remains: something in me, something bigger than myself, stirs at the realization that I am, finally and without question, in love. With the greatest guy, no less.