A Footnote Story

Here's the thing. I don't party. The only time I went to a bar to drink and party and get wasted (in theory) was back in college--and that's because the party was organized by an organization of which I'm an officer.

Okay. Now there was this party in law school, and I was practically compelled to attend. To cut the long story short, I danced, drank, and met a guy. This guy flirted with me and danced with me. I can't say I was totally comfortable with it, considering that my blockmates were there and I didn't really know how to respond to situations like that.

Anyway, he asked for my number. We texted as we were beside each other. He drove me home. We kissed. And we stopped short of doing it. I insisted on not doing it, and he relented. The next day, we talked through text, with wide intervals in between. And that was it.

I asked him about last night, to the effect that: "I don't know if it's a clubbing thing, but last night was purely just for fun, right? We're friends, yeah?" Because I was really that confused. Is that how one-night stands (in this case, a half-baked one) work? 'Cause I only see it happen in movies. You're not supposed to text each other the day after, right? Because I was totally willing to stop.

And he affirmed. He said that he's really not looking for a relationship right now and that I'm a nice guy and all the things people say after an awkward and inappropriately intimate night together. Me? yeah, the last thing I want right now is a relationship. And I wouldn't want anything to get more awkward than it already is; what happened was weird enough already...I get it. He's not totally my type. We are very different (case in point: he asked me to puff a cigarette!! What the).

 But. I can't say I totally understand myself. Why did I do it? Having explored another dimension of this apparently "wild" side of me, I can now say with certainty that it's not the life I want to live. Another boy gone past. Another lesson learned.

Midterms in Law School

are quite over. This is by far one of my worst performances. I was out of focus most of the time, somebody I dated had been badgering me to get into a relationship with him, and I was just out of it. Law school, the entire of it.

Oh, I also received a text message. This friend of mine saw my recent ex and his new guy, whom he met and got together with less than a month after we broke up. Hah. They were apparently strolling around in the same university where I study.

Today I received news that a friend of mine thought that being friends with me could only go so far. I am, according to her, the type who would only open so much, who can only go so far for friendship. I don't exactly contest this... I'm not the happiest person. I have so many issues, so many insecurities. I can be quiet and reserved, and although I can really be funny when I want to (assuming that we're talking about the same level of humor), I would rather find error in things....


But I can be fun, too! History is fun, music is fun, movies are fun, reading is fun....especially when all these are done alone!

I guess something's really wrong with me then?

On Post-Breakup and the Perks of Living Alone

My ex is an asshole, and I don't even think he understands why. He would call or text me up to tell me about his recent date, and how he has a "gut feeling" that this guy's the "one". I have no qualms about talking to him every now and then, but for the life of me I can't understand what he wants me to say. Congrats? Get a room? How about, you're a fucking moron?

While on one hand, there might be a tiny part of me that feels a slight pang of jealousy, I can't help but want to ask him: tanga ka ba? How on earth can you believe that you're meant to be with a person you've only met for a little less than a month?? 

I just hate people who act beyond leaps and bounds of logic! I would think that our failed relationship would at least teach him something about taking everything slow and the disadvantages of a long distance relationship...but to me it seems as if he grew backwards. I would think someone with decent scholastic records would be able to think within the confines of reason. But no. 

That being said, I don't think he it's my problem any longer. If he wants to meet up with random "good-looking" people in some gay networking site, fine. I'm just not a fan of him calling me up to tell me the sordid details of his misadventures. 

Anyway, maybe this is the point where I should be saying that I'm sort of seeing someone. Sort of. There isn't an official record or something of it just yet....

I've just been so busy. Lawyers, upperclassmen, and law professors who said that sophomore year would be the easiest....well, they were lying. I've had to double my efforts, memorize everything, but still, there's no guarantee that I'll slip through unscathed! 

So yeah. I'm happy. I go to class, trying to prepare myself for all the cases and laws assigned. I join friends when they dine, whenever I want to. At night I go home, and either work or study. Sometimes I do the latter in coffee shops or the library. I'm as normal as a normal law student can be.

Don't get me wrong. There are random wtf moments when I would just dig a deep hole in a matter of seconds, and feel really depressed. Like a few moments ago. Why do I feel as if I'm the one who was left in the dark? Why do I want to take revenge? You know, the usual thoughts that pass through the broken-hearted. 

Through it all, I know that I'll rise from this. I trust myself enough to know that I'll see myself through this. A little bird told me all I needed was time :)