The Waiting Begins...

After several attempts at signing into my own Blogger account, I'm finally, successfully here.

I feel like I owe at least an explanation of what really happened to me, so here's a preview:

• I've graduated from law school.
• I went through six months of bar review HELL...
• and finished all four Sundays of the bar exams!
• I'm about to celebrate my first year anniversary with my partner!

It feels wrong to sum everything up in four points, since the sheer effort and dedication that went into what can be simplified into just four sentences were, for lack of a better word, CRAZY. My emotions have gone up and down, I went through several episodes of insanity, and I discovered a whole new dimension of me that I didn't know was there. Apparently I could be crazier--and stronger--that I thought. But that's another set of stories best memorialized in my head.

I'm here, I suppose, because I need some sort of closure, some place I can go back to. I'm not the type that takes photos, so I don't have any way of visually remembering the "highlights" of my life. And as proven in this blog, neither am I the type that religiously journals my day-to-day life.

But for all my failures to make this blog what I promised it to be, this blog is what it is (a raw and poor documentation of what the fuck happened throughout law school), and I'm happy satisfied with what I did.

In (Almost) Closing

In between studying the law and trying to land myself a decent job before graduation, life has been so fast-paced that I can barely stop, breathe, and reflect about the comings and goings of my

Last night I had to deal with… relational issues in law school, and how tired I was suddenly dawned on me.

Sure, I was tired of studying surviving the daily grind, going into a class unprepared and hoping not to get called, the whole nine yards.

But I’m mostly tired of having to deal with people’s shit in law school. I mean, people had to create a Facebook page for airing their grievances, as if the gossip that swirls around the college isn’t enough. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. I’d only meant to blow off some steam to my partner, when I ended up ranting like crazy.

I guess I should be frustrated that the few friends I gained in law schools are the ones I’m not sure I can trust 100%.

I’m not by any stretch saying that I’m faultless. In fact, I’m probably to blame for the most part. I did this to myself: deliberately missing out on activities, distancing myself, not opening up, and mentally rolling my eyes whenever one attempts to get ahead of the other (which by the way happened far more times than I can count).

The point I’m making is that I’m tired. I’m happy, for the most part, about the progress I have made—how I think I have grown, my perspective towards issues, all that stuff. But, honestly? If I could turn back time? I suppose I would be a little less agitated, more focused at the task at hand, and I would definitely stop looking for love in the wrong places.

But now that four years has passed, I’d say I didn’t do so bad myself. I’m tired, but I’m good.

There will always be a moon pulling me away from you.

The measure of a great song, to me, is in the perfect emotional balance between the lyrical content and the melody.  It's even better if it has the capacity to make you feel something, even if your life story is far different from that of the storyteller. 

There's this sadness and loss I feel whenever I turn this song on. Every word pierces through--how can't you feel anything when he starts saying, "Cause I'm trying here"? While other songs lose their luster to over time, this song isn't about to any time soon. Listen for yourself :)

GONE

Head and the Heart

There were times you should have stalled

As you sailed into the fog

Like a dog, I smelled your fear

Lord knows you should have been here with me

But you were gone

These days roll sleepily by 

I can hear the old trains cry

There will always be a moon

pulling me away from you

You're gone

Gone are the days when the wind would brush my face

Gone are the days when you're the wind

Gone are the days when my heavy heart is worn on my sleeve

Take back your pictures

Take back your letters

Don't send me no postcards

Telling me you miss me

Cause I'm trying here, I'm trying here

And fuck what they're saying

My mind is made up

And they're all just starving

Like the rest of us

And I'm trying here, I'm trying here

Gone are the days when the wind would brush my face

Gone are the days when you're the wind

Gone are the days when my heavy heart is worn on your sleeve

It's your head or your heart

and you're too damn scared to start

It's in your mind and your soul

but you just don't know where to go.

It's in your head and your heart

and you're too damn scared to start

It's in your mind and your soul

but you just don't know where to go.

Now you're gone.

P.S. I had myself tested over this break. It was something I'd meant to do--it was only a question of when. I figured that I should do it after I take the bar--because what if I found out that I was positive before reviewing for the bar? That would be a burden too heavy to bear. But because I couldn't stop thinking about it, I went ahead anyway--and found out that I'm negative. All is well.