AU

In my previous blog entry, I detailed my distress over a life-changing event in my life.

I applied for a scholarship to study Masters of Law in Australia. And after going through the screening process, I'm happy to say that I got in. Yay! The process had been harder than I let on, and my partner and my best friend alone know just what I had to do to get the scholarship, and to fight for the school of my choice. I am somewhat in limbo now--the next part, which is the pre-counseling stage, won't be until mid-April, but I can definitely breathe a little easier now.

I guess fate, destiny, the powers that be, even God, really have interesting ways of making things happen. I remember vaguely wishing to study LLM a few years back, but I then knew my financial obligations would hold me back, as well as the huge financial costs that studying and living abroad for one year would entail. But here I am, right where everything should be.

Am I ready? Maybe not. I am not as scholarsly as I want to be, though a lot of people would probably think otherwise. On any day, I would readily choose playing video games over reading a non-fiction legal reading for leisure. And trust me, the best of them would do otherwise. 

Of course, being anxiety-ridden as I am, there are a million things running through my mind about how this can go wrong. What I am learning now is to let go, enjoy, and allow things to unfold.

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On the subject of letting go: I find it extremely difficult not to post my two cents on the distressing events happening in the country. If you told me a decade ago (where I was already a UP student) that these would happen, I would've freaked. I have to give it to our politicians--they manage to find new ways to fuck up the country. And worse, a vast majority of the population seem fine with it. Sad.

Okay. So I keep thinking: what can I do from the high horse where I am perched on?

Did you know that birth pills was not invented until the 1950s? That's just more than half a century ago. Before then, having hetero sex meant having a fat chance of producing a baby. Unless of course, the men withdrew--and how effective is that, really?

The invention of birth pills caused a huge boom in sexual liberation. Again, that's just some decades ago, in the millennia that we've been on earth.

I guess that's my way of thinking that--we will all die, and none of this will matter. The politicians can all have their day, but they will do. And then all their efforts at exerting their power will be for naught, leaving a legacy that will haunt their descendants forever.

So maybe that's not a direct way of contributing a solution to the problem, but it does help me feel a little better.

Next week

A lot is riding on a decision that will be made by next week. It's not even mine to make, but the impact that it will have in my life... man, where do I begin?

I know that there is no way I will allow myself to spend that much money on graduate studies abroad, for a degree that does not even have a real significant impact on my career. But you know how things just make sense, even if you cannot fully rationalize it? This is one of those things... that I know I  have to do. And what I will be doing there matters as much as what I will be doing once I get back here. A chance to finally, really start a career, get the ball rolling, and have a fresh start.

I hope God is hearing this, because I could really use an answered prayer right now.