The Break I Needed

It's the end of the first week of my long-ish vacation in this beautiful country, and I've had quite some time to think about things.

No question that Sydney is one of the best places I've been to so far. Granted I haven't been to a lot, but it's definitely better than Hong Kong and Singapore in terms of convenience of transportation, (kind of) pleasant crowd, and a laid back vibe. It's much better than the urban craze of Manila, and I appreciate the parks, museums, and outdoor spots.

I've finally seen dinosaur bones, which is a HUGE deal for someone as obsessed to dinosaurs as I am. Makes you think about how awesome it is that one time dinosaurs used to live in the very terrain we now walk in...

The sunrise is lovely, and I can imagine myself being a morning person here:

I've seen enough though to make me think about the future and to silently map out what I plan to do, at least for the next two years. 

If only for that--for finally having a goal to work towards instead of just wasting my days away--I think this much needed trip is well worth the time. 

Pro Bono

Law school is difficult, if I haven't established or made that clear yet.

But to be honest, law practice is shaping to be more difficult in some ways. 

In the span of eight months I have managed to:

• Bail out my boyfriend's best friend out of jail--but only after being substantially jaded by our justice system and by shady cops who'd frame innocent people up to extort money from them (I'm looking at you, police officers from Galas QC Police Station--I still have all your names and have crystal clear memory of what you did btw);

• Draft a response to a notice to explain (before termination) by an employer--for a cousin, in a record time of 2 hours, after going home at 12mn and after almost dying of sheer exhaustion;

• Come up with a viable defense for what seems to be a clear violation of a non-compete clause -- from an anonymous number that turned out to be from my close friend.

And these are just the cases I don't even get paid for, outside my occasional killer work hours. So yes, law practice is more difficult, because this is how I realized that cases I only used to read about and regurgitate in school affect real lives, and in emotionally painful ways that I can only imagine.

I have to admit: it's hard to stand from a distance, separate myself from the emotions running wild, and see everything with a clear vision of what should be done, legally. 

I've always been the type to bottle my emotions in, but that doesn't make me any less emotionally vulnerable--just more capable of calibrating my emotions from the outside. 

But now I understand. It's my job, more than anything, to not let my emotions cloud my judgment. And to let it only get in the way if it moves me nearer towards the end goal. 

Why do I have to help outside work when I'm not getting paid for this shit? Why do I have to expend my emotions and time and effort on this, all three invaluable currencies for a lawyer?

And then I remember: these are little things, yes. But I suppose, it is in these little things that the law breathes life, and affects people. So maybe I do get invested, without any real ROI in the long run. 

But maybe that's how I learn what justice really means? 

Why I Need to Write Again

I've made a promise to write more often to myself (and to my non-existent readers) for the millionth time, and have embarassingly managed to break that same promise every time.

So. You know what? I'm not even going to promise anymore.

What I can say is that I have gone through the reasons in my head. And I'm convinced writing is the only way to keep me sane.

In a virtual world where everyone wants to self-identify with their "invaluable" opinions, posting selfies (and getting as many affirmations through their networks) is a virtual currency, and showing off one's latest buys is the highlight of the day, there's value (at least for me) to be writing raw stuff in anonymity, without being paid for it, with the remote chance of anyone reading it. And just for the heck of it.

I am not quite sure what to call this feeling--social media exhaustion? Isolatedness? Antisocial tendencies? Not giving a fuck if you've just gotten yourself a new car (or, worse, a new opinion)?

Well, whatever it is, I've had enough. I've had enough of people talking about #AlDub or #MyPastillasGirl, and people fighting over which one is better, and people calling its fans dumb, and people defending other people's choices for liking either against so-called elitists, and just in general making a big fuss out of everything. I mean, really, do we have to do this? Do we really have to overthink and defend what we do for entertainment every time?

Why do we have to take every trend in whatever form, and run it to the ground?  I don't even think people are through, because there is apparently a lot that is still left to be said.

Don't get me wrong; what I mentioned aren't the only things people have somehow turned into a viral phenomenon. And it's not looking to be the last.

I am probably to blame--whether through the choice of friends I keep on Facebook or by consuming every person's opinion/rant mindlessly--but here I am, an unwilling victim of every angle and imaginable opinion of every viral issue on local cyberspace. I didn't even realize it, until all the weight of the negativity and aggression people have literally made me feel heavy and, quite honestly, I just can't put up with it anymore.

So I write. I write, because I've been consuming the negativity and aggression for too long, and I need to finally spit it all out. God knows I need a place to throw my brand of negativity away, and, unlike other people, I just can't do it on Facebook. Cause, you know, my mom is my Facebook friend.

Finally

It's been a while since I've written here, and the feeling is strange--almost like trying to rekindle a friendship once lost.

I guess I know how to lose friendships all too well. There's really nothing to it. You just start slipping away from a person that used to be a huge part of your life, and you don't even try to fight it. But this is not one of those lost friendships. It shouldn't be.

This blog, few though its law-related posts may be, has gotten me through some really tough times.

I envisioned it to be a place where I can chronicle my thoughts as I went through law school. Instead it became a storage for my sentimentalities :P

And yet, here I am. To the goal that seemed illusory a few years ago: I am finally a lawyer.