The Right Thing to Do

He told me he loved me. That I had fascinating eyes and that I was cute. He told me he was exactly whom he was looking for.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Was he actually telling me he loved me two days after we met? With all due respect, I just hate people who do that. He barely touched the surface of who I am. He has no right to love me. For me, love is this really big thing that shouldn't ever be taken lightly. Love comes with responsibilities and disappointments and the knowledge that things won't always be right. And yet, through all these drawbacks, love never ceases.

What he feels isn't love.

He knew I had a relationship, but that didn't stop him from trying. So I did it myself. I stopped the person I used to see in campus and ogle at. I stopped one of the reasons I would brightly go to school back in my undergrad days from going further into my life. Gwapo eh. :p

Gwapo, however, doesn't make the cut. I guess I've really grown old. Cutting the ties was the hard part. I've always been polite. I told him: "Sometimes we have to do what's right, not what's pleasing. I'm going to stop this now." He was heartbroken, but he'd get over it. He's eighteen.

As for the boyfriend, my friends advised me not to tell him. If I did, this will probably one of those things that will blow out of proportion. I told him though, on my way home, that he has the option to break up with me. Maybe we can be together after four years, when I've gone through this hell.

The thing is, we never get to talk. Of all people, I understand best the value of communication in a relationship. But I can't stop. I can't stop because I owe to my parents the obligation to do my best in here. I owe to myself the need to survive, to be relevant and responsible, and to stand by a decision I made once I passed the LAE. I can't stop and spare a few minutes, which would extend to hours, just so I could know what's happening with his life.

One last thing. Should I feel depressed that I often get stereotyped by my very own friends (I am, quite obviously, not out of the closet) as a sex-hungry gay guy? I am familiar with how some homosexual men are, having been a member of G4M for a week or so myself. I just brush these remarks off. But really, I can go through one week without jacking off. My boyfriend and I? We haven't had sex in a month, notwithstanding that he slept over for the past month thrice already.

Damn. This must mean that I'm a very uptight person.