Next week

A lot is riding on a decision that will be made by next week. It's not even mine to make, but the impact that it will have in my life... man, where do I begin?

I know that there is no way I will allow myself to spend that much money on graduate studies abroad, for a degree that does not even have a real significant impact on my career. But you know how things just make sense, even if you cannot fully rationalize it? This is one of those things... that I know I  have to do. And what I will be doing there matters as much as what I will be doing once I get back here. A chance to finally, really start a career, get the ball rolling, and have a fresh start.

I hope God is hearing this, because I could really use an answered prayer right now.

2017

Sure, 2017 wasn't a good year for politics. And, by necessary extension, my Facebook feed. I can't say that I liked seeing comments from people supporting this admin's dick moves. But I decided at some point to just zone out. I hate to say it, but we had it coming. We got the government most of us (probably) deserved.

All that aside, 2017 was, admittedly, a good year for me:

1. I started teaching in another university, where (some) students seem genuinely interested in learning. Plus I teach weekdays, so that means...
   
2. I have my Saturdays back. I can't believe I used to take my Saturdays for granted! I used to work 9-6 on Saturdays, teaching the entire day. I'd go home exhausted and unable to do anything else for the entire day. Consuming my entire Saturdays and getting them back made me realize the value of my weekends, and what I spend my free time on.
   
3. I regained my 20-20 vision. I'd been thinking about getting LASIK for a while now. I didn't realize that I would make that huge decision one random morning in the office, and then get carted to the operating room a few days after. The procedure itself was quick, it was the aftershock for a day or two that rendered me immobile. Would I do it all over again? Totally.
   
4. I got into mindfulness meditation. There is a lot of hype around the concept, and how it's a millennial gimmick. But the long and short of it is that (I think) it works. I am a relatively more
   patient and reflective person because of it.
   
5. I bought myself a Nintendo Switch! I used to play video games like crazy. I don't know when I will find the time to do this with my crazy schedule, but it's a welcome respite.
   
6. I travelled a few places here and there. They're mostly local, but I've done things I didn't think I would be able to do. Be on top of a hundred-meter cliff? Check. Ride a 'monster jeep' to see the most amazing body of water? Check.
   
   

   

    I swear, this is a hundred feet above ground level! 

   
   
7. And I did the above with the most amazing guy. I know I told myself to date less in 2017. And I did. Little did I know that my resolve would lead me to someone who has been right there all along. My ex, seven or so years ago, who also happens to be a casual hangout buddy when I'd go out to party, ended up being my boyfriend more than six months ago. I never saw myself getting back with an ex, and I guess I just ate my words. It just...clicks. And I know because I've been through the entire online dating thing, drifting past one date to another, and nothing really worked out for me. Turns out, I only had to look back, to see what lies ahead. 

2017, great as it is, feels like a pass-through to something. I don't know what the destination is just yet, but I'm keenly optimistic. Phew. Optimism. That's one word I didn't think I'd use to describe me. 

Call Me By Your Name

I am not going to lie: going into the film, I had pretty high expectations. The buzz for the film has been crazy, and that is what ultimately made me decide to pick up the book and try to understand what the frenzy is all about. Also, I love gay romance in movies and literature, so I made sure to find the time to read this.

And Call Me By Your Name (the book) did live up to the hype. It was, for me, well-written, nuanced, and characteristic of the flood of emotions and confusion encountered by young guys trying to reconcile their gender preferences. I should know, I went through that phase--and the book captured the emotions just so well. I am a sucker for good endings, and I'd like to believe the ambiguous ending in the book meant that Oliver and Elio somehow found their happy ending. Okay, I suppose this is not that much of a spoiler. I struggle to think of at least three gay movies/stories that had a "happy" ending.

As I mentioned, I was looking forward to watching the film, considering all the hype. It had all but two screenings here in the Philippines, as far as I know, and I managed to reserve two tickets for me and my boyfriend in the far mall of the north, Trinoma.

Photo taken from https://www.tynesidecinema.co.uk/

Before anything else, I have to say: the crowd was crazy! Haha. If I didn't know any better, I'd think the crowd (who lined up for the film, stretching out for meters on end).  There were familiar faces in the crowd, mostly gay guys I'd seen partying in either O Bar and Unit 27.

Okay. At this point I'm exhausted to even write about the film. But just to lay out the points there:

• I think the film did a disservice to the book by not including what for me is a major plot point.
•  Timothée Chalamet did justice to the role of Elio. Armie Hammer, who played Oliver, was missing something... Which is a shame 'cos I found Oliver attractive in the book.
• Overall, a good film. Although I'll be one of those pricks who think the book is much better than movie.