2016 Goals

I've always tried (and failed to live up to) New Year's resolutions.

But I wanted this year to be different. My boyfriend and I had a big fight about it: I told him I looked back at the year that was. And although it was exciting and turbulent (passed the bar, started my first "real" work, etc.), I couldn't help but feel stuck. That this--working late nights, stressing over deadlines, going to him on weekends--was all that lifev has to offer me now, and in the years to come. I could just vanish and nobody would notice, and I could be doing the same thing over and over again until I realize was 40 years old. I told him I was losing myself, my own sense of who I am.

I don't know, but I feel like 2016 should be an important year. This really is the first time I'm not held back by grades or academic requirements. Work is hard, but I am in total control of the direction of my career.

So I told myself, and I told my partner, that maybe I should try out the waters and find out what I really want. I have come up with a list and have been sticking to it so far. I also made sure to make it as precise and concrete as possible.

So just for the sake of putting it out there in the universe:

1. Do mindfulness meditation everyday.
2. Go to the gym/do yoga at least once a week.
3. Go out more often! (Drink with friends, play board games, go mountain hiking, go on trips together, etfc.)

I'm pretty sure my partner's a bit surprised/shocked at some of the changes he's been seeing, but it helps that he's secure and that he's allowing me to become my own person.

Anyway, just now, right after I finished my 17th day of meditation, I realized that maybe all that--working late nights, stressing over deadlines, and go to him on weekends--wasn't all that bad. Actually, it wasn't at all that bad.

Hey, that's gratitude. Maybe this meditation thing is starting to work after all.

The Break I Needed

It's the end of the first week of my long-ish vacation in this beautiful country, and I've had quite some time to think about things.

No question that Sydney is one of the best places I've been to so far. Granted I haven't been to a lot, but it's definitely better than Hong Kong and Singapore in terms of convenience of transportation, (kind of) pleasant crowd, and a laid back vibe. It's much better than the urban craze of Manila, and I appreciate the parks, museums, and outdoor spots.

I've finally seen dinosaur bones, which is a HUGE deal for someone as obsessed to dinosaurs as I am. Makes you think about how awesome it is that one time dinosaurs used to live in the very terrain we now walk in...

The sunrise is lovely, and I can imagine myself being a morning person here:

I've seen enough though to make me think about the future and to silently map out what I plan to do, at least for the next two years. 

If only for that--for finally having a goal to work towards instead of just wasting my days away--I think this much needed trip is well worth the time. 

Pro Bono

Law school is difficult, if I haven't established or made that clear yet.

But to be honest, law practice is shaping to be more difficult in some ways. 

In the span of eight months I have managed to:

• Bail out my boyfriend's best friend out of jail--but only after being substantially jaded by our justice system and by shady cops who'd frame innocent people up to extort money from them (I'm looking at you, police officers from Galas QC Police Station--I still have all your names and have crystal clear memory of what you did btw);

• Draft a response to a notice to explain (before termination) by an employer--for a cousin, in a record time of 2 hours, after going home at 12mn and after almost dying of sheer exhaustion;

• Come up with a viable defense for what seems to be a clear violation of a non-compete clause -- from an anonymous number that turned out to be from my close friend.

And these are just the cases I don't even get paid for, outside my occasional killer work hours. So yes, law practice is more difficult, because this is how I realized that cases I only used to read about and regurgitate in school affect real lives, and in emotionally painful ways that I can only imagine.

I have to admit: it's hard to stand from a distance, separate myself from the emotions running wild, and see everything with a clear vision of what should be done, legally. 

I've always been the type to bottle my emotions in, but that doesn't make me any less emotionally vulnerable--just more capable of calibrating my emotions from the outside. 

But now I understand. It's my job, more than anything, to not let my emotions cloud my judgment. And to let it only get in the way if it moves me nearer towards the end goal. 

Why do I have to help outside work when I'm not getting paid for this shit? Why do I have to expend my emotions and time and effort on this, all three invaluable currencies for a lawyer?

And then I remember: these are little things, yes. But I suppose, it is in these little things that the law breathes life, and affects people. So maybe I do get invested, without any real ROI in the long run. 

But maybe that's how I learn what justice really means?