AU

In my previous blog entry, I detailed my distress over a life-changing event in my life.

I applied for a scholarship to study Masters of Law in Australia. And after going through the screening process, I'm happy to say that I got in. Yay! The process had been harder than I let on, and my partner and my best friend alone know just what I had to do to get the scholarship, and to fight for the school of my choice. I am somewhat in limbo now--the next part, which is the pre-counseling stage, won't be until mid-April, but I can definitely breathe a little easier now.

I guess fate, destiny, the powers that be, even God, really have interesting ways of making things happen. I remember vaguely wishing to study LLM a few years back, but I then knew my financial obligations would hold me back, as well as the huge financial costs that studying and living abroad for one year would entail. But here I am, right where everything should be.

Am I ready? Maybe not. I am not as scholarsly as I want to be, though a lot of people would probably think otherwise. On any day, I would readily choose playing video games over reading a non-fiction legal reading for leisure. And trust me, the best of them would do otherwise. 

Of course, being anxiety-ridden as I am, there are a million things running through my mind about how this can go wrong. What I am learning now is to let go, enjoy, and allow things to unfold.

--

On the subject of letting go: I find it extremely difficult not to post my two cents on the distressing events happening in the country. If you told me a decade ago (where I was already a UP student) that these would happen, I would've freaked. I have to give it to our politicians--they manage to find new ways to fuck up the country. And worse, a vast majority of the population seem fine with it. Sad.

Okay. So I keep thinking: what can I do from the high horse where I am perched on?

Did you know that birth pills was not invented until the 1950s? That's just more than half a century ago. Before then, having hetero sex meant having a fat chance of producing a baby. Unless of course, the men withdrew--and how effective is that, really?

The invention of birth pills caused a huge boom in sexual liberation. Again, that's just some decades ago, in the millennia that we've been on earth.

I guess that's my way of thinking that--we will all die, and none of this will matter. The politicians can all have their day, but they will do. And then all their efforts at exerting their power will be for naught, leaving a legacy that will haunt their descendants forever.

So maybe that's not a direct way of contributing a solution to the problem, but it does help me feel a little better.

Next week

A lot is riding on a decision that will be made by next week. It's not even mine to make, but the impact that it will have in my life... man, where do I begin?

I know that there is no way I will allow myself to spend that much money on graduate studies abroad, for a degree that does not even have a real significant impact on my career. But you know how things just make sense, even if you cannot fully rationalize it? This is one of those things... that I know I  have to do. And what I will be doing there matters as much as what I will be doing once I get back here. A chance to finally, really start a career, get the ball rolling, and have a fresh start.

I hope God is hearing this, because I could really use an answered prayer right now.

2017

Sure, 2017 wasn't a good year for politics. And, by necessary extension, my Facebook feed. I can't say that I liked seeing comments from people supporting this admin's dick moves. But I decided at some point to just zone out. I hate to say it, but we had it coming. We got the government most of us (probably) deserved.

All that aside, 2017 was, admittedly, a good year for me:

1. I started teaching in another university, where (some) students seem genuinely interested in learning. Plus I teach weekdays, so that means...
   
2. I have my Saturdays back. I can't believe I used to take my Saturdays for granted! I used to work 9-6 on Saturdays, teaching the entire day. I'd go home exhausted and unable to do anything else for the entire day. Consuming my entire Saturdays and getting them back made me realize the value of my weekends, and what I spend my free time on.
   
3. I regained my 20-20 vision. I'd been thinking about getting LASIK for a while now. I didn't realize that I would make that huge decision one random morning in the office, and then get carted to the operating room a few days after. The procedure itself was quick, it was the aftershock for a day or two that rendered me immobile. Would I do it all over again? Totally.
   
4. I got into mindfulness meditation. There is a lot of hype around the concept, and how it's a millennial gimmick. But the long and short of it is that (I think) it works. I am a relatively more
   patient and reflective person because of it.
   
5. I bought myself a Nintendo Switch! I used to play video games like crazy. I don't know when I will find the time to do this with my crazy schedule, but it's a welcome respite.
   
6. I travelled a few places here and there. They're mostly local, but I've done things I didn't think I would be able to do. Be on top of a hundred-meter cliff? Check. Ride a 'monster jeep' to see the most amazing body of water? Check.
   
   

   

    I swear, this is a hundred feet above ground level! 

   
   
7. And I did the above with the most amazing guy. I know I told myself to date less in 2017. And I did. Little did I know that my resolve would lead me to someone who has been right there all along. My ex, seven or so years ago, who also happens to be a casual hangout buddy when I'd go out to party, ended up being my boyfriend more than six months ago. I never saw myself getting back with an ex, and I guess I just ate my words. It just...clicks. And I know because I've been through the entire online dating thing, drifting past one date to another, and nothing really worked out for me. Turns out, I only had to look back, to see what lies ahead. 

2017, great as it is, feels like a pass-through to something. I don't know what the destination is just yet, but I'm keenly optimistic. Phew. Optimism. That's one word I didn't think I'd use to describe me.